Patience

I'm sitting on the sofa in the living room, rolling my eyes as the noise from the other room is getting louder and louder. I try hard to concentrate on the documentary I’m watching with my mom but loud high-pitched voices coming from my sisters' room are making it quite impossible.

I look at my mom on my right, poker faced, and admire her patience. My not-so-little-anymore sisters are now screaming and she just watches the telly. I’m wondering if she learned to ignore their endless fights or if she is just trying very hard not to loose it.

Just as I am about to get up, go to their room and try to talk some sense in to them the sound from their room disappears. I hear a sigh of relief from my mom, indicating that she’s not immune to the chaos after all.

Growing up

Today is my 23^rd birthday. I’m an adult now and lately I’ve noticed that everyone’s treating me as an adult. I’m all grown up and I’m the one responsible for myself. If I would do something wrong I would be the one who would be carrying the consequences.

You really know that you’re grown up when your parents treat you like an adult. A couple of weeks ago I was sitting at the dining table with my Mum and my sisters. I was talking with my Mum about something serious and my sisters were asking all sorts of questions and interrupting the conversation. At one moment I realised that not so very long ago I was the one sitting at the table with adults, asking stupid questions.

You also know that you’re really grown up when you’re living with someone and get very annoyed when she/he leaves breadcrumbs on the counter or when you find an empty milk carton in the refrigerator.

Another indicator of adulthood is also clothing (or lack of it). When we’re younger we wear something because it’s cool to wear it, no matter how weird it looks, how (un)comfortable it is and how (not) warm it is. Back in high school me and most of my friends wore All Stars (the regular ones, not the leather ones) in winter and it didn’t matter how much snow had fallen. Our winter jackets were way too short and we were freezing most of the time. Now you see us wearing warm winter boots, long winter coats and a few layers of clothes – it doesn’t matter how it looks (ok, it does, but not as much as it did back in high school) it has to be warm.  

So… I’m an adult by all the criteria and I can do whatever I want. And I really want a piece of cheesecake that Mr Starlight made for my birthday. 

The Five Landmarks of 2010

The 2010 is coming to an end and I was recently thinking about things/moments/people/changes which marked this year for me.

I decided to write a blog post about it and call it The Five landmarks of 2010.

Here is my list, in no particular order:

1.    One of the most important changes in my life was when I admitted to myself that I’m depressed. It wasn’t easy to admit such a thing to myself but I’m much better now that I’ve reached out for help. I’m seeing a psychologist and taking anti-depressants and I’m slowly getting better.

I would like to say thank you to Mr. Starlight because you’ve been so sweet, patient and considerate in the past year. I don’t know what I would do without your help and I know that I’ve said thank you a million times but I will never be able to do for you what you’ve done for me. Thank you darling, I love you so much.

2.      The scariest moment this year was when my little sister Pia sent me a text message saying that my other sister Klara is in the hospital because she badly hurt herself. My world stopped for a moment.  

I called my Mom and she didn’t pick up so I called Pia and asked her what’s going on and if Klara is going to be ok. She told me that Klara fell from a 5 meter (approx. 16 feet) ledge and landed on her head. . Mr. Starlight and I immediately drove to the hospital and when I walked into Klaras room I was shocked. I couldn’t say anything because I could barely stop myself from crying. She had a swollen eye and she could barely open it. She also had a wound on her forehead and smaller bruises and it looked very badly.

She smiled when I came to her bedside and I hugged her happily knowing that she’ll be alright.

3.      In July Mr. Starlight and I went on a road trip around the Europe for a month. We drove through Switzerland, Lichtenstein, France, Luxembourg, The Netherlands, Belgium, United Kingdom (ok, we only visited London but we were in The UK, that counts, right?), Italy and Monaco. It was the best road trip ever and we had so much fun.

 I could write a lot more about this but it would turn out to be a post about    the road trip, so I’ll stop here.

4.      Because of my depression I had problems with my studies and I thought I won’t pass my second year. It was really rough two months for me but Mr. Starlight and his mother was telling me I can do it all the time. They really helped me and believed in me when even I didn’t and I’m really grateful for that. With their encouragement and a lot of studying I’m now in my third year of studies.

5.      In October I started writing my blog. I had problems sleeping and one night at about 2 am I wrote my first blog post I'm a virgin. Since then I’m regularly writing about all sorts of things and I think this also helps me cope with my depression. A few people are regularly reading and commenting on my blog which I really appreciate. It’s nice to know that someone is interested in my writing and it keeps me doing it.

   A huge thanks to all of you out there who read my posts and leave me   comments. I’m really grateful for this and it means so much to me.

There are so many wonderful and talented writers out there and I also enjoy reading their (your) posts, not just writing mine.

So, here are five things I wanted to share with you.

I would love to see it if you, dear reader and fellow blogger, would also write about five things that marked this year for you. I hope I encouraged you to write down your own list and if you do, please leave me a link, I would love to read it.

Love,

Starlight 

Going home

This weekend I went back home and I spent a really nice weekend with my family. Though I feel bad because I didn’t do any work for my studies at all. But I’m not sorry about it because I really love spending time with Pia and Klara. They are my little sisters and I already wrote a blog about them.

The centre of our house is our living room/kitchen/dining room. It’s a big open space stretching through half of the floor. This is the space where we hang out, where we have our holiday dinners and  Sunday lunch. This is the place where I watched my little sisters grow up (they’re not so little anymore but they will always be my little sisters).

I love the moment when I walk into this room after being away from home for three weeks. It’s always the same sight. I walk in and yell out “Hellooooo, I’m hooomeeee.” In the next moment Pia and Klara run out of their room and jump on me smiling and yelling “Taja, Taja, Taja, you’re home.” We hug each other for a minute or two and I’m always surprised about how much they’ve grow since I last saw them. I’m realizing that they’re growing up and that they have become intelligent and beautiful young girls.

After this very emotional moment my Mom usually comes to hug me, smiling. We’re all happy that I’m at home.

Last Friday was the same old story except that I came home a bit earlier than I  usually do so we had the whole afternoon to spend together. But my sisters always fight and just when Mom wanted to go out they started yelling and Pia fell on the floor which pissed Mom out because Pia had just recovered from a broken wrist. I told Mom to go out and that I’ll handle the situation. I knew that I’ve reported for mission impossible. But surprisingly after half an hour of talking to them I managed to solve the argument. You can’t imagine how hard it was.

When they were calmed Klara asked if we could watch a movie and I made pop corn with cheese. We had so much fun watching TV and we laughed all the time.

In one moment became very cold so I asked Pia and Klara if they know where I can find Moms cardigan or something to put on. Klara instantly said that she’ll find it for me and after a minute she came back with her favourite blanket. That really touched me because Klara is very protective about her belongings and she’s usually very angry if someone’s touching them.

My parents were gone for the whole afternoon and they didn't returned home until 11p.m. so we had the living room just for ourselves. We had so much fun and we were up until midnight.

The next morning I woke up at 10 or so and Pia and Klara were already up but there was no sight of my parents. So I’ve made a breakfast for us and then they wanted to watch Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire. I can’t say no to them and I watched the movie with them instead of reading the literature for my studies.

We pretty much watched movies for the whole day and it was fun listening their comments. In one moment I started taking pictures of them with my BlackBerry and even Klara allowed me to take a pic of us. And after some time she even proposed to take a couple of pics of the three of us. That was really extraordinary because she never allows me to take a pic of us.

Saturday was gone in a flash and I was really sorry because I had to leave early in the morning on Sunday. So I kissed Pia and Klara goodbye because I knew they won’t be up the next morning when I’ll go. I was really sad for leaving them but I know that we’re having fun when I’m there and that we probably wouldn’t have so much fun if I was still living at home.

Pia and Klara

I have two little sisters; they’re 10 year old twins, Pia and Klara. They’re awesome and I love them with all my heart. They’re fraternal twins and they probably couldn’t be more different than they are.

I still remember the day they were born. It was the summer of 2000 and my mom had been in a hospital for a month already since it was a very risky pregnancy. I was 12 and I went to see her every day. One day my mom said she has contractions and I totally panicked. Dad also panicked a little bit but not as much as I did. The only calm person in the room was mom who stopped me when I wanted to call a doctor. She counted contractions and then she went to see a nurse and told her she’s having a baby. My dad took me home and went back to the hospital. They were born with a caesarean section the same day, on 2^nd of August at 18.13 Klara and Pia at 18.14. When dad called me to tell me I have two little sisters he was crying and it was for the first time in my life I heard him cry. I was a very proud big sister. I still am.

They’re growing so fast and becoming big smart girls. As I already said they couldn’t be more unlike each other than they are.

Klara is a boyish girl. She had always wanted to be a boy. She has a short boyish haircut and always wears jeans and T-shirts. I have never seen her wearing a skirt. She’s very clever and very much protective of Pia. Klara loves sports; she trained basketball and loves playing football. She’s more into math than literature. She loves spending her time outside, riding a bike or shooting some hoops.  

On the other hand Pia is girlish. She has long dark blonde hair and loves dresses. She’s also more spoiled than Klara and loves to be in the centre of attention. Pia is more into literature than math and she’s more of an indoors type. She doesn’t like sports because she’s a bit lazy.

I always worry about their wellbeing. Once Klara fell from a 5 meter (approx. 16 feet) ledge and landed on her head. She was in the hospital and when I came there I was shocked. She had a very swollen eye and she could barely open it, a broken leg and bruises on her head. She also had a minor concussion but luckily it wasn’t anything more serious so she could go home after a day in the hospital.

Last Sunday Pia fell with roller skates and she broke her wrist, so she has plaster on her left hand. This kind of “accidents” happen all the time. They’re so damn clumsy and I wish they were more careful.

I feel I’m a bad sister since I’m studying in another town and I only go home for a weekend every now and then. I call them quite often but it’s hard to talk to them because I’m 22 and they’re 10. We have totally different interests and they’re childish. I can’t blame them for that, they still are children but I still feel bad about not being on the same page with them. I feel like I’m not there for them if they need me.

They’re very attached to each other and it’s hard for them to be apart. When Klara was in the hospital Pia couldn’t sleep because she’s used to having Klara in the same room.

They always fight with each other. It’s normal because they spend all the time together but on the other hand they always have each others back when someone’s against them. And I love the fact that they stand up for each other.

I wish we’ll have great relationships when they grow up. I want to see them often and talk to them about everything. I hope they’ll be able to tell me what’s going on in their life and we’ll talk about boys. And most of all I wish that they’ll understand I wasn’t a bad sister, that the age difference was the reason why we were not always on the same side.