The big decision

Another post from Jenny's point of view. 

I’m really happy Emma called me. I didn’t even realise how much I’ve missed her for the past month. I’ve been so busy with my work lately that I completely forgot about my problems and it felt so good not to think about Mark and his mistress.

Hey Emma, it’s really nice to see you, I’ve missed you. She looks very nervous and worried as I walk into her apartment. I hope something isn't wrong again, I really don’t have the strength do deal with anything right now.

Hey Jen. I’ve missed you too. She really means it, I can tell. When Tim called me and told me that she’s much better now I didn’t believe it but now I see it’s true.

Sit down, we have to talk. Would you like a glass of wine?

Yes please. Something’s wrong. But what? Is she having some other problems I don’t know about? Did someone die? She gives me a glass of wine and I drink it all. I take the bottle and pour myself another glass. She won’t mind and it seems I’ll need it.

I don’t know how to tell you this and I know it will hurt you, but I can’t hide it from you. I saw Mark today… with another woman. He’s gone so far that he’s parading around with her? Why doesn’t he just stab me in my back? And Emma doesn’t know that I already know it. Gosh, she probably went through hell today, deciding if she should tell me or not.

Honey… I know. I’ve known for at least a year. These words were much easier to say than I thought they would be. Why didn’t I talk to someone about this before? Why didn’t I admit to myself that he’s just a cheating bastard? Why was I pretending not to know and acted like everything was ok?

Emma’s obviously shocked about this. I don’t know what shocked her more – Mark cheating on me or that I have known about it?

Why didn’t you say anything? Why didn’t I say anything? Because she was a total mess and I didn’t want to make it worse.

Emma I couldn’t tell you. You have your own problems and I didn’t want you to worry about me. And you’ve been avoiding me. I can’t tell her this in a nicer way. She hasn’t been herself and I couldn’t talk to her about it.

I’m so sorry Jen. I really am. I couldn’t help myself… I know you don’t understand and I can’t explain it because neither do I. I just need you to know that I’m sorry. And that I’m here now and I want to help you and be by your side. It’s really nice to have her back. She hugs me and I hug her back. It’s nice to have a best friend I can rely on.

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The doors are opening. Surprisingly I’m not nervous, I thought I would be. Obviously I really don’t care about anything as much as I should. Should I?

Jen, what’s going on? He obviously noticed the boxes on the floor. Or did he just see it on my face?

I know you’re cheating on me. I want you to move out and my lawyer will contact you soon. Or should he contact your lawyer directly? He seems very surprised. And scared. He didn’t expect it. And why should he? I didn’t say anything or do anything to indicate that I knew.

Jen, I’m sorry. I... I didn’t want to hurt you. I’ll end it with her and we can work it out. He’s shocked. And he seems devastated. I still love him, I love his dark blue eyes and the little holes in his cheeks when he smiles. When was the last time we laughed together. When have we stopped being happy? When did we fall out of love?

It’s too late Mark. Don’t make it any harder than it has to be. I don’t want an ugly divorce and I don't want to fight. I just want to go on with my life. No, I want to create a new life, I want to do things I love to do and enjoy my life.

We can save our marriage Jen, I’ll leave her, I promise. Does he really mean it? Would he really leave her? Well, it doesn’t matter now, it’s over.

There is nothing to save, Mark. It’s over. Don’t show him your feelings Jen, don’t show emotions. Be strong, you can do it, just stay calm and don’t let him convince you.

Give me another chance. I deserve it after so many years. We deserve it. He’s serious.

No Mark. You don’t deserve anything. I've given you so many chances. You got a chance every day. Every day for the past year I woke up, hoping that you would come home in the evening and told me that you were cheating on me but that you have ended it and that you’re sorry. I was hoping that you would realise that you love me and that it’s me who you want. But you didn’t. And now it’s too late. I packed your things in these boxes and you can come pick up the rest of the stuff another day. Please leave. Now.