I’ve just shortened my nails and painted them with black nail polish. Painting my nails relaxes me and gives me the feeling that I can control something. This is one of those rare things in my life that I truly can control. I can choose the colour of the nail polish. I can choose how many layers of nail polish I’ll use. I can take it off whenever I want.
But the feeling of control isn’t the main reason why my nails are always painted. I’ve always loved tidy and nicely manicured nails.
As a little girl I always admired older women who had long, beautiful nails painted with a very striking colour. That would usually be red or black. And I also remember that I’ve always wanted to have painted nails. The colour didn’t really matter, I just wanted them painted. But my mum always said that little girls shouldn’t have their nails painted and that when I’ll be 15 I can paint my nails any colour I want.
I patiently waited for my 15th birthday to come. On the day I turned 15 I went to the local shop and bought myself a very special birthday present. A black nail polish. As soon as I came home I painted my nails and I still remember what a mess I have made. Nail polish was all over my fingers and it looked quite terrible but I i didn't care as long as I was allowed to have my nails painted black.
My mum was terrified when she saw me with black nails and she started yelling at me that I’m crazy and that she won’t allow me to go anywhere like that. She wasn’t happy when I reminded her about the promise she made years ago and she claimed that she never said that. But I convinced her that she did and didn’t leave her a lot of choice. Either she would let me have nail polish all over my fingers or she would help me apply it all over again. You can imagine which one she chose.
Today I have quite a collection of nail polishes. I don’t know the exact number but I would guess that I have around 20 of them in different colours and shades – black, red, blue, violet etc. My mum doesn’t say anything anymore but I can see the horrified look on her face when I come home with a very striking colour on my nails. And she also doesn’t have to help me paint my nails anymore.