Left behind

I wake up in the middle of the night and you’re not there. Maybe you got up to drink a glass of water? I listen… everything’s quiet out there. I turn on the light and hear your footsteps. Those familiar, sometimes too loud, but comforting footsteps. You come to the bedside all dressed up.

“What’s going on? What’s the time?” I have no idea what’s going on and why you’re in your black Levi’s and a jacket over a T-shirt in middle of the night. Then I notice there’s something wrong. Your face and your eyes are like an open book to me. I can see when something’s going on with you. I’m scared. I ask you again. “What’s wrong?”

You’re quiet. I see you can’t talk; you aren’t able to tell me what’s happening. You can’t look me in my eyes.

“Are you going anywhere?” I get up and grab a phone on my table to see what the time is. “It’s 2 a.m. Where are you going in the middle of the night?”  Then I see your suitcase in the middle of the living room. “You’re leaving me.” It’s all I can say. I can’t stand anymore and I can’t think.

“I’m sorry.” You finally said something. “I can’t live like this anymore. I’m really sorry. I didn’t want to leave you like this but it’s very hard for me too. I couldn’t look you in your eyes and tell you I’m leaving you. I just couldn’t. I love you too much… but I can’t stand this anymore.”

I feel like I’m falling. I can’t think straight. I want to scream, to ask you why, beg you for one more chance. But I can’t talk…

Then I wake up and realise it was all just a bad dream, you’re peacefully lying next to me, sleeping. I hug you and fall back to sleep. I love you.